My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
