so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
