if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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