you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
