a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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