I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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