He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
