i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
