Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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