we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
