doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
