can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vagina is very pro this idea
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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