Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
