Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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