I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
40s are totally the cure
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
