I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
