I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
