C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
