does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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