I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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