I'm lost and stupid without you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
