i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Randomize
