just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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