Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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