If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
