pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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