I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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