Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
