think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
