My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
