apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
