i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You have to summon your inner elephant
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
