end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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