Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
