Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
