i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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