I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
