I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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