I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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