then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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