false alarm. still invincible.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
