I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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