I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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