He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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