Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
