I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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