Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
