You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
