Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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