Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
