Your tits are I can't wait for
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
