Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
