i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've blown a few things in my day
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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