tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
