What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
50% drunk capacity currently
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
