It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
