Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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