Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
