Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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