my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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