I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
