When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
