theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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