Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
