K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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