Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
