He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
