xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
